


Like We Were Yesterday

by trashing-the-trashmouth (summerforbran)



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of underage drinking, Not canon compliant - no Pennywise, mutual yearning, san junipero au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:33:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24446647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/summerforbran/pseuds/trashing-the-trashmouth
Summary: At first, Eddie wasn’t sure what to think about San Junipero. It was something he was just curious enough to try once. That is, until he runs into Richie for the first time in years.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 34
Kudos: 40





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is complete! I’ll be updating it twice a week on Mondays and Fridays. Beta’d by senku-science-king and blueeyedrichie on tumblr!

If there was one thing Eddie could count on since his first time entering San Junipero, it was that he and Richie would always find each other there. Without fail.

The first time had been disorienting to say the least. One moment, he had been in his bed, acutely aware of all of the noises from the medical equipment that surrounded him. His body was old, and gradually failing him. The next moment he was standing on a sidewalk in his hometown. _Derry_? Eddie thought as he looked around, bewildered. Wasn’t this program supposed to put a person into their favorite place? Or at least a place they felt comforted? Derry was as far as it got from Eddie’s idea of comfort. He’d left as soon as he’d been able to for a reason. 

He was so perplexed by the program’s decision to put him in Derry that he almost didn’t realize his reflection in a store window. When he finally did notice himself, he barely recognized the man looking back at him. He looked… young. He let out a laugh as he ran his hand through his hair, and moved closer to the window to get a better look. He couldn’t have looked older than 30. “Wow!” He exclaimed. It had been a very long time since he looked or felt the way he did. He almost forgot how it felt _not_ to be in pain. He knew that he was able to change his appearance if he wanted to, but he kind of liked it.

After he was finished marveling at his reflection, he noticed a small café across the street. He didn’t remember a café being there, but he didn’t think he could really trust his memory. He was only 18 when he’d left. For all he knew, a café very well could’ve opened in town. Or the San Junipero program just put it in as a hub to make it easier for people to mingle. Either way, Eddie found himself drawn to it.

Once inside, Eddie was surprised by how crowded it was. He made his way past crowded tables, and overheard conversations between friends reminiscing on their glory days. Whether any of these people had been lifelong friends, or had just met that day, Eddie didn’t know. It didn’t really matter. Everybody there was either dying, or already dead. They were all bonded by that simple fact. It was an idea that would have terrified Eddie at some point, but now that he knew that his time was short, it was comforting. Suddenly, he felt very out of place. He wasn’t expecting to meet with anybody his first time in. It was mainly a chance for him to check the place out. That was, until a laugh that he could have sworn he knew drew his attention to a table tucked away in a corner of the café.

As Eddie made his way to the table, he could see that there were more than a couple people standing around it. All of them laughing. As if they were content to stay there forever, just listening to whoever was speaking. Eddie felt like he was intruding on something intimate. Something that he had no business listening in on. Still, he needed to see who was sitting at the table. The feeling that he knew who it was, at least in some regard, was too strong for him to ignore.

Eddie moved up to the table, noticing just how nervous he was. _Why?_ He wasn’t sure who he was going to encounter there. It was very possible that he had never met the man he was so inexplicably drawn to. The worst case scenario would be that he looked slightly foolish to a group of strangers. It wouldn’t be a big deal. He was not prepared for who he saw, though. His breath caught in his throat as he took a step back. 

The guy was too busy laughing at whatever story he was telling , his eyes squeezed shut, to even notice Eddie standing there. “Jesus, Tozier! You still can’t tell a simple story without losing your shit at your own jokes?” Eddie couldn’t stop himself before he began to speak. He wasn’t even sure why those were the words that came out of his mouth, but he was grinning ear to ear as he spoke.

There was a heavy silence as the two of them stared at each other from across the table. The story had been abandoned mid-sentence. For a moment, Eddie was convinced that he had confused the man for Richie. It had been so long since he’d watched any of Richie’s old comedy specials, and just over six decades since they’d seen each other in person. Even though he looked exactly like Richie did in his comedy specials, Eddie was second guessing himself. _There’s no way this is Richie. Have I heard of him being sick recently? Have I even heard anything about him at all recently?_ He hadn’t paid much attention to celebrity news, but Richie’s name had always caught his attention when he heard it. It had been like he fell off the face of the Earth in recent years, though. Eddie’s smile wavered slightly as he felt his face flush, sure that he’d just turned bright red.

Richie stood up quickly, and moved over to Eddie. “Eddie _fucking_ Kaspbrak?” The joy in Richie’s voice was unbridled as he pulled Eddie into a tight hug. He laughed, and pulled back slightly to get a better look at Eddie’s face. “Talk about a blast from the past!” he exclaimed, patting Eddie’s cheek. “You’re definitely better looking than how I’d imagine after 60 something years.”

The relief that flooded through him was immediate. “Oh, _fuck off_!” Eddie laughed, as he playfully pushed Richie’s shoulder. It shocked him how easy it was to fall back into his old mannerisms around Richie. He smiled at him, glad that he had found a friendly face so quickly. Even if that meant having to suffer through all of Richie’s jokes about him. “You haven’t changed much, have you?”

“Not at all.” Richie waved off the guys who were still standing at the table, and gestured for Eddie to sit down. It was just the two of them, something Eddie never thought would happen again. Richie looked Eddie over, as though he was trying to take in every detail he could. “So, c’mon. Tell me all about your life,” Richie coaxed, taking a sip of his coffee. “I wanna hear everything I’ve missed since the last time I saw you.”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “Nothing I’ve done can hold a candle to you, Mister Famous Comedian.” 

Richie looked genuinely shocked for a moment, but he quickly covered it with a smirk. “I mean, you’re probably right. I still want to hear about what you’ve been up to, though.”

“What? Surprised that I kept up with your career?” 

“I didn’t really think you’d remember me that well,” Richie answered, shrugging. His demeanor was stoic, but it was obvious that he had something else he wanted to say. _Not with how you left without a goodbye._

Eddie flinched slightly, the unspoken words left a chill in the air between them. There was still hurt there, even though he’d never intended to cause Richie any pain. Eddie knew that it would have to be addressed eventually, but not yet. He just wanted to enjoy this moment. He was young again, and the memories from his childhood were flooding back to him. Memories and feelings he’d long since buried. Hopefully Richie would drop it, at least for a little while. “Well, your acts _were_ shit until you started writing your own stuff.” Eddie smiled, and reached across the table to nudge him gently. “After that you were pretty funny.”

“Alright, alright! Stop trying to shift the conversation to me.” Richie said, grinning again. As though the tension from just a moment ago was already completely forgotten. “We can talk about how hilarious I am later.”

Eddie let out a relieved sigh, glad that Richie wasn’t going to push it yet. “You really don’t want to be in the spotlight for once, huh?” Eddie asked, taking one final dig at Richie. He couldn’t help but laugh at the face of mock exasperation Richie made at him in return. It was such a _Richie_ expression. He didn’t think he could replicate it even if he tried. _God, how haven’t I realized how much I’ve missed him?_

“Okay. Since you’re insisting, I’ll give you the short version.” Eddie wasn’t sure how much longer he had before he’d be taken out of San Junipero. In truth, he wasn’t sure how long he’d even been in. Minutes? Hours? It almost felt like a dream. Still, he knew they didn’t have time to catch up on everything they’d missed out on. How could they ever catch up? This was temporary. Eddie wasn’t planning on choosing to stay forever. It was too new. There were still too many questions surrounding it, and too much could potentially go wrong. “I went to school for psychology. I got married in my late 30s. We met in college, and reconnected a few years later. We had a daughter. Her name is April.” It felt weird talking about Myra, he’d barely even thought about her anymore. Though talking about April always filled him with a sense of pride. He could still remember how scared he’d been to become a parent. How he’d done everything in his power to make sure she didn’t grow up the way he did. “I came out as gay a few years later, and got divorced. Eventually I got custody of April.” He shrugged, suddenly feeling self-conscious. Talking about himself had never been his favorite thing to do, and Richie hadn’t taken his eyes off of him. “ _What_?”

“Nothing. It’s just really good to see you again, Eddie-Spaghetti.” Richie held his coffee mug out, as though he was making a toast. “Good for you. I can picture you as a great dad. Did you ever… remarry?” Richie’s question was hesitant. As though he wasn’t really sure if he wanted to know the answer.

“Beep beep, Trashmouth!” _Trashmouth._ Eddie had almost forgotten that had been Richie’s nickname within their group of friends, and that Richie used to have the most ridiculous nicknames for him. He gave Richie a tender smile. “I couldn’t let her grow up the way I did, or think that I didn’t care about her.” The reluctance in Richie’s voice wasn’t lost on Eddie. “No. I dated, but never got remarried,” Eddie answered, shrugging nonchalantly. “I guess nobody ever felt right for me, but I was happy.”

Richie nodded, careful not to let Eddie catch onto just how relieved he was. “Well, sounds like you had a good life. Minus the loveless marriage, of course.” The shit eating grin on his face was proof enough that he was the same old Richie who Eddie had been friends with so long ago. That was more comforting than he’d ever be able to express. “Lucky for you, I’m also single.”

Eddie wasn’t entirely sure if Richie was teasing him or not. Part of him hoped he wasn’t. “Yeah, _okay_ Richie,” Eddie said jokingly, but the look that crossed Richie’s face momentarily made him realize that he was completely serious. He was about to say something else when he heard a timer go off. “Fuck, they’re about to take me out,” he said apologetically. “I think they’re going to let me back here every other day. Will you be here?”

“Yeah. We’ll meet right here in two days,” Richie answered, looking up from his coffee mug just in time to see Eddie disappear with a soft _pop_. “I’m here all the time, Eds…”

*******

Eddie awoke in his hospice room to the now familiar sound of all of the equipment that surrounded him. He found himself missing the little café in Derry. It was a nice reprieve from the sights and sounds of the hospice. _Beep beep beep._

Most of all, he missed _Richie._

“Hey, Daddy. You feeling okay?” April was kneeling at the side of Eddie’s bed, holding onto his hand. She quickly tried to mask her look of concern with a slight smile. “You were in there for a while.”

Eddie closed his eyes, and nodded, suddenly extremely tired. “I’m good,” he answered, squeezing April’s hand gently. “I ran into an old friend.”


	2. Chapter 2

Over the weeks, Eddie became more and more comfortable in San Junipero. The days he wasn’t there were dull, or full of pain. Most of the time, the days he spent firmly in the real world fell into both categories. At Eddie’s request, he’d been allowed an extra hour each time he was in San Junipero. Maybe that meant he was dying faster than expected, and the hospice staff were taking pity on him. Or maybe there were people there who were in worse shape, and the staff didn’t want to hear him complain on top of everything else they had to deal with. It didn’t matter to him anymore. 

When he wasn’t in San Junipero, all he wanted was to see Richie’s face. Hear his laugh. Eddie knew that it was just a fantasy they were both playing out. The idea that one day he’d arrive, and Richie would be nowhere to be found was always tormenting him in the back of his mind. No matter how hard he tried to push it away, it just wouldn’t leave him alone. Neither of them mentioned it, but Eddie couldn’t shake the feeling that Richie had been going in for a much longer time than he’d let on. He couldn’t blame him, though. The last thing he wanted to talk about was his outside situation. If there was one thing Eddie couldn’t deny, it was that the love he’d always had for Richie hadn’t faded at all. If anything, it was even more intense.

“So, this looks like Derry to you, too?” Eddie asked one day. Their meetings so far had exclusively been in the café, and he still wasn’t sure exactly how the program worked. Richie seemed to know a decent amount about it, though. _Of course he understands. Wasn’t he always buried in some video game when we were kids?_

“Yeah. I feel like I’m in good old Derry again. Anybody you see on the street will also see it as Derry, but you can run into anybody in here. The café is here no matter what the outside looks like to you,” Richie explained. It was obvious that he’d had a similar conversation more than once. “This place is Buenos Aires for Stan and his wife Patty. We drew the short straw, Eds.”

“Stan’s here, too?” Eddie asked, perking up a little. He remembered Stan as a kid. He’d been Richie’s best friend before they had all formed their group. _The Losers._ It was nice to think that Richie and Stan had remained friends their entire lives.

Richie nodded, pushing his chair back. “Yeah, Stan and Patty come in every once in a while. Mike does too, but I haven’t seen anybody else.” He stood up, clearly wanting to change the subject from their old friends. “I want to show you something.” Richie took Eddie’s hand, and pulled him to his feet. “You haven’t really had a chance to explore the town, have you?”

*******

Their first stop was the Kissing Bridge. The old covered bridge looked more or less the way it did the last time he saw it. Down to the initials that had been carved into it. “What do you want me to see h-“ Eddie’s sentence was cut off when he noticed one particular carving: R + E. “Is… is that us?” Eddie cringed at his own question almost immediately after he asked it. _Who else would it be? Fucking idiot._ Silently, Eddie knelt down, and traced over the carving with his finger.

“I carved it right before you left. Just trying to get my nerve up,” Richie answered, looking more embarrassed than Eddie had ever seen him. “I thought you were gonna stick around for a little while longer.” 

Eddie felt his face flush, and knew that he was probably bright red. Richie’s joke about being single Eddie’s first time in the café had been sincere, and Eddie was suddenly very aware that Richie hadn’t taken his eyes off him. “I’m sorry.” It was all Eddie could think to say. “I had to get away from my mom. You know that.” The Kissing Bridge was not where Eddie wanted to have this conversation. 

Eddie remembered that he’d told Richie as soon as he got his acceptance letter during their senior year. He’d been so excited, the thought of leaving was equally exciting and terrifying. Richie had always seemed ecstatic for him. The two had spent many nights imagining just what college life would be like. They had even taken a secret trip to New York one weekend to check out the campus. Eddie had never been to the city before that. The details of how they’d gotten that past Sonia and Richie’s parents had been forgotten a long time ago. 

“Maybe you’ll finally get wasted!” Richie had joked one night, not long before Eddie made his escape. They made many plans that night. They’d finally be free to explore their relationship. Or at least figure out what they felt for each other. Richie was going to visit as often as possible, and maybe even apply to the same school the following year. At the time, neither of them could imagine drifting away from each other. The only plan they made that happened was that Eddie indeed got wasted for the first time at the first party he went to his Freshman year. The only difference was Richie wasn’t there to witness it, and make sure that the rest of The Losers saw the most embarrassing videos and pictures from that night. 

Eddie moved closer to Richie, and gingerly touched his chest. There was so much he wanted to say. Richie had carried the hurt around for a long time, and he deserved an explanation. “Can we talk somewhere else?” He asked, feeling timid for the first time since his first visit. There was nobody else around, but Eddie didn’t want to talk about something that could potentially be heavy in such a public spot. 

“Eds, I didn’t bring you here to make you feel bad. I’m not angry-“ 

“I know, but I want to talk to you about it,” Eddie stated, interrupting Richie mid-sentence. Richie may not have wanted him to feel bad, but he did. “I want you to understand why I left the way I did. You deserve that much.” 

******* 

They walked back into town, holding hands. It felt so _right_ , and Eddie couldn’t help wondering if that’s how his life would’ve been if he’d just stayed in touch with Richie. Or if they inevitably would have drifted apart anyway. That was just a part of life, wasn’t it? 

Eddie was so lost in his own thoughts that he almost didn’t realize when they were in front of his childhood house. He stopped dead in his tracks, staring at it. Very few of his memories of that place were pleasant. Maybe the only good memories of it included Richie. Even though he knew it wasn’t the real house, it looked exactly the way he’d remembered it. Briefly, he wondered if it was even still standing. He hoped it wasn’t. 

Seemingly understanding what Eddie was thinking, Richie gently squeezed his hand. “It’s okay, that’s not where we’re going. _She’s not here_.” 

Eddie knew that it was impossible for Sonia to be there. She passed away long before San Junipero had even been thought up, but that knowledge didn’t make seeing the house he hated after so many years any less jarring. He’d left long ago, and never wanted to see it again. He shook his head, pushing the memories out of his mind. “Where _are_ we going, Rich?” 

******* 

Richie took Eddie to his own childhood home. They both had much fonder memories of the Tozier household. It even had the same smell he remembered. It was as if the house had been frozen in time, waiting for the two of them to make it back. Eddie had to hand it to the people who had designed the program; the little details weren’t skipped over. Maybe Derry _could_ be comforting. As long as he had Richie by his side, he would be happy just about anywhere. 

Richie brought him up to his old bedroom. As soon as he opened the door, it was clear that was where Richie spent most of his time. Comic books and old video game cartridges were strewn all over the place, just like when they were kids. 

“Guess I missed the simple things.” 

Richie’s voice sounded different, and Eddie thought that he was doing one of his impressions at first. When he turned around, he was face to face with 18 year old Richie. He was taken aback. He knew that they could modify their appearance any way they wanted, but he wasn’t sure that it was necessary for the conversation they were about to have. “What? You literally want this to play out the way it would have when we were kids?” 

“Why not?” Richie shrugged. “We’re just talking.” 

Eddie scoffed, but decided to go with it. _Richie’s house, Richie’s rules._ The thought was almost laughable, he knew that Richie truly didn’t care if he played along or not. “Fine! You win. Can’t have you attempt to relive your awkward teenage years by yourself, I guess.” 

Richie reached over, looking very proud of himself, and patted Eddie’s cheek. “Talk about awkward teenage years!” 

Eddie countered Richie _extremely_ eloquently: by rolling his eyes, and flipping him off. “Blow me!” There was nothing malicious or mean-spirited behind his words, though. If anything, he was glad that Richie was cracking jokes. It made him feel less anxious. He hadn’t thought about that night in a long time, and he never talked about it with anybody. Once he was out of Derry, he never looked back. It had been his one and only chance at a normal life. “Where do you want me to start?” 

Richie thought for a moment, biting his lower lip. There was so much he wanted to know, but he knew their time was limited. Eddie had already been in for a while. “Tell me whatever you’re comfortable with.” 

“I wasn’t expecting to leave like that I knew that. I wasn’t going to be there much longer, so I confronted my mom about how she treated me,” Eddie started, nervously fidgeting with his hands. “How I knew that she’d been lying about me being sick my whole life.” 

Richie took one of Eddie’s hands in his, and gently squeezed it. “You don’t need to be nervous with me.” His expression was soft. From what Eddie remembered, it was so unlike Richie to be _soft_ about anything. He always hid behind his jokes, and inappropriate comments. It put Eddie at ease, though. 

Eddie nodded, and took a deep breath. “I snuck out that night after she went to sleep, and I got on the next train to the city. I stayed in some fleabag hotel for the week until I could move into my dorm.” He stopped talking, averting his gaze away from Richie. “I thought about going to your house before I left. I wanted to let you know that I was leaving, and say goodbye.” Eddie’s voice broke on the last word, and he quickly wiped at his eyes before he continued. “I knew that you’d be the first person my mom would go to when she realized I was gone. I didn’t want to get you in trouble.” 

Silently, Richie hugged Eddie, and kissed his cheek. “Why didn’t you ever call me? I wouldn’t have ratted you out.” Richie’s voice wasn’t harsh or accusatory, but it was obvious that he’d never stopped wondering what happened to Eddie. 

“I wanted to, but I think I convinced myself that you wouldn’t want to talk to me.” Eddie wrapped his arms around Richie, and rested his chin on his shoulder. “I’m sorry if you thought I was dead somewhere.” 

“It might’ve crossed my mind once or twice, but I’m glad you got out of there. I’m sorry I never called, either. I could’ve tried reaching out to you just as easily,” Richie admitted. Pulling away slightly, he reached out to touch Eddie’s face. He ran his thumb across Eddie’s cheek, wiping a tear away. “Alright, enough of this!” Richie exclaimed, clapping Eddie’s shoulders. “I don’t want our visit to end on a sad note.” 

Eddie nodded, grateful that Richie wasn’t going to let it sour their time together. “Thanks, Rich.” 

******* 

Neither of them bothered to change back to their older selves as they sat on the edge of Richie’s childhood bed, looking through his old comic books. Richie wrapped an arm around Eddie’s waist, and pulled him closer. Something unspoken had happened between them. Their relationship had automatically shifted in the way it was probably always meant to go. 

Eddie leaned into Richie’s touch, and let out a content sigh. The serenity didn’t last long, though. 

Eddie furrowed his brow as he felt Richie’s fingers scratch at his side. “What are you-? Wait, no! _No_! _Ahaha_!” Eddie doubled over with laughter, and desperately attempted to push Richie’s hands away as the tickling got more intense. Richie was holding onto him too tightly for him to even hope of getting away. His laughter went up an octave, and his flailing became wilder as Richie’s fingers danced between his ribs. The idea to change back to normal in an attempt to free himself briefly crossed his mind, but he couldn’t even concentrate on doing that. Eventually, Eddie just fell back on the bed, unable to do anything but laugh hysterically. 

Eddie took in several sharp breaths when Richie finally ceased his tickle attack. “You fucking dick!” Laughter was still evident in Eddie’s voice as he tried to get his breathing back under control. Though he couldn’t keep a genuine smile off his face. “Don’t you think we’re both way too old to act like this?” 

“Sorry. I just remembered how ticklish you are, Eds. I couldn’t resist,” Richie answered with a smirk, as he briefly attacked Eddie’s sides again, causing him to erupt into giggles. “Hmm… nope. Not when you’re this cute.” Richie leaned towards him as he stopped tickling. He started to caress Eddie’s cheek, but Eddie beat him to the punch as he pulled him further down to kiss him. Richie’s eyes widened in shock for a moment, but he melted into the kiss immediately. 

“Mm… I’ve wanted that for a long time,” Richie murmured as the kiss broke off, his eyes half-lidded. 

“I’ve wanted it, too,” Eddie answered, running his fingers through Richie’s curly hair tenderly. The timer beeped, causing Eddie to close his eyes in annoyance. “They have the _worst_ timing,” he complained, giving Richie an apologetic look. 

Eddie was almost positive that he heard Richie say “I love you” right as he was exiting San Junipero. The thought of Richie being in love with him was enough to let him feel good for the rest of the day. 


	3. Chapter 3

Eddie was happy to see that he looked like an adult again the next time he went in. He was more anxious than ever to see Richie, and he didn’t think that he could approach him while looking exactly the way he did when he was a Senior in high school. The possibility of Richie truly loving him hadn’t left his mind for a second, and the full day since he’d been in Richie’s house had gone by excruciatingly slowly. All Eddie wanted was to grab him as soon as he saw him, and kiss him again. To tell him that he loved him too.

Once he found Richie’s table at the café, he saw that his plan would have to be put on hold. Three other people, two men and a woman, were sitting with Richie. Unlike the people who’d been talking to Richie the first time Eddie ran into him, Eddie knew two of them.

Richie enthusiastically waved Eddie over. “Eds!” He called out happily. “We have company all the way from Florida and Buenos Aires!”

Eddie ran over to the table, laughing , and immediately hugged Stan and Mike. 

After Stan introduced Eddie to Patty, they all fell into easy conversation. It was amazing how they could all pick up where they left off. There was no judgement on the decisions he’d made when he was young. It had long since passed, and they were all just happy to be with friends again. “Once a Loser, always a Loser!” Mike had jovially declared, to a round of cheers from the rest of the table.

Through Stan, Eddie learned that The Losers had remained lifelong friends. It made him unbelievably happy to know that their group had never split up, if not a little sad that he’d missed out on so much of their lives. “So, did you all talk to Richie out there in the real world to plan this out for today?” Eddie asked.

If Eddie hadn’t been so overjoyed to be with Mike and Stan, maybe he would’ve noticed that it took a second too long for Mike to answer him. Or the pointed look that Stan and Patty shared with each other. “Nope, it’s just a coincidence that it worked out this way. Richie told us you’d be in, though. So we had to stay to see you.”

Eddie turned to Patty, a good natured grin spreading across his face. “Did your husband ever tell you about the time he nearly broke my arm after our graduation?” He winked at Stan, as Patty shook her head.

“Careful, Kaspbrak. I have my share of embarrassing stories about you!” Stan warned, but his tone was playful. Eddie could imagine that the Losers had never stopped playfully ribbing each other, no matter how old they got. Obviously, Stan was used to it. 

“As I was saying, before Stanley so rudely interrupted me,” Eddie started, as he waved Stan off dismissively, “we all went out to celebrate graduation. I was the designated driver, so I was the only actual sober one in the group by the time we got to this diner-“

“Hey! I wasn’t _that_ drunk!” Mike chimed in, laughing. “Richie and Bev were in the worst shape out of all of us.”

“Doesn’t matter! I was still the only sober person in our group,” Eddie argued, feigning exasperation. “Long story short: Stan fell all the way down the steps as soon as we left the diner, and brought me down with him. He was fine, but I landed on my arm, and thought it was broken for a good five minutes.” The whole table laughed as Eddie finished the story. 

“You _always_ thought something was broken,” Stan grumbled. “You better be prepared to take what you dish out, I wasn’t lying about having stories about you.”

Eddie scoffed and rolled his eyes. “I know an empty threat when I hear one. Besides, you know my story was funny. You were _just_ laughing!”

“I’m just saying, you can’t deny that you’ve done plenty of stupid shit,” Stan stated matter-of-factly, and shrugged. There was no real hostility in his voice. It was just how he and Eddie had always teased each other. Though to somebody who didn’t know either of them, it probably sounded like they didn’t actually get along. 

It was Patty who took Eddie’s attention away from Stan, touching his shoulder gently. “Are you married, Eddie?” She asked. “You didn’t come here with anyone.”

“Divorced,” Eddie answered distractedly, watching Richie out of the corner of his eye. Truthfully, he was surprised that Richie hadn’t told them what had happened the other day. Richie had never been one to shy away from talking about relationships. _Other people’s relationships._ For one mortifying moment, Eddie wondered if he’d read too much into it. It wouldn’t have been the first time he jumped to conclusions about a relationship. Maybe he hadn’t heard Richie tell him that he loved him at all. Maybe he’d just wanted it so badly that he’d made himself believe that he heard Richie say it. He _had_ been uncharacteristically quiet since Eddie had joined them.

Richie broke that train of thought when he nudged Eddie in the side to get his attention. He leaned over to whisper in Eddie’s ear, not even pretending to be subtle about it. Everyone the table’s attention was on them, as though waiting for the confirmation on a rumor everybody knew was true. “Go on, I know that you’re _dying_ to tell.” That was the confirmation that he’d been so desperate for. For a moment, he just let himself bask in it.

Eddie was all too aware of how close Richie’s lips had been to his neck. How easy it would’ve been for Richie to have just kissed him right then and there. He pushed the thought to the back of his mind, for the time being. From the smug look on Richie’s face, he was very aware of what was going through Eddie’s head. “Richie and I are together now.” Eddie couldn’t help but smile as he announced it. 

The reaction from the others wasn’t shock. “Took you guys long enough,” Mike teased, clapping both Eddie and Richie on the shoulder. “When we were kids, Stan, Bev, and I had a bet on how long it would be before one of you finally realize you were in love with each other. It was obvious to all of us.”

“Yeah, but I don’t think any of us won it. No one said over 60 years,” Stan added, looking defeated. “I don’t even remember what my guess was anymore.”

Richie laughed, and patted Mike’s cheek playfully. “Well, we can’t all marry Bill Denbrough straight out of college. Can we?”

“No fucking way! You and Big Bill?” Eddie asked happy for the opportunity to take the attention off himself and Richie, but also very intrigued. “Were you guys together before I left for school?”

“We got together right before you left. We hadn’t told anyone yet.”

“Good for you! I’m happy for you guys.” Eddie thought carefully about his next question. Nobody else had mentioned Bill, so he had no idea how he was doing. He didn’t want to potentially upset Mike. “Does he ever come here with you?” It was the least prying way he could think to ask about Bill, and hopefully hear that he was still alive and well. 

“Nah, he’s been in once or twice. He’s not really into it. He’s doing well, though,” Mike answered. “We’re both still going strong. I’m only here once a month or so.”

“Tell him I’m glad he’s doing well, and that I’m a fan of his books when you get back out there.” Thinking about it, Eddie wasn’t sure how he hadn’t known Bill and Mike had married. He’d read BiIl’s books for years. It was his way of keeping a connection with him, the same way he’d held onto his connection with Richie through his shows.

It was a relief to hear that Bill and Mike were, at the very least, doing better than he was. Nobody else offered up how they were holding up, and Eddie didn’t ask. Nor did he bring up what his life had devolved into over the past few years. It would just bring down the mood, and that was the last thing he wanted to do. He assumed that they’d all talked about what they’re dealing with to each other at some point. Or maybe they hadn’t. It was easy not to have to think about it. The whole point of the program, for the living, was to get away from whatever pain they were in for a little while. Eddie wasn’t about to dredge any of that up.

Before long, everybody had said goodbye, and Richie and Eddie were left alone at their table. Eddie was hit with a sudden wave of melancholy. Saying goodbye felt final, and he realized that he likely wouldn’t get a chance to see them again. _At least I got to say goodbye this time._ It was better than still not knowing what had become of the Losers. 

Richie put his hand on Eddie’s back gently, seeming to understand exactly what he was feeling without even saying a word. Richie had always been able to understand Eddie perfectly. That had never changed. “Let’s get out of here.”

*******

They went back to Richie’s house, the walk was making Eddie feel better. It also helped that he was acutely aware that Richie hadn’t moved his hand from his back since they left the café. His stomach was fluttering like crazy, but it was a pleasant feeling. Eddie didn’t mind it at all. 

“You’ve been strangely quiet today,” Eddie commented once they were inside. “You okay?” They hadn’t had much time just to themselves yet, and for a second Eddie wondered if Richie was going through something in the outside world that he hadn’t been able to bring up yet. His mind immediately jumped to the possibility that Richie had gotten bad news.

“Aww, is Eds worried about me?” Richie’s tone was teasing, but he moved closer to Eddie and grabbed both of his hands.

“Of course I’m worried, asshole! We’re not here because we’re in the prime of our lives!” Eddie exclaimed. “I worry that one day soon, one of us will get here, but the other will be gone. I don’t want either of us to be left alone like that again!” Just the thought of it was enough to get Eddie worked up. 

“Eddie… Eddie,” Richie said softly, cupping Eddie’s cheeks in his hands. “That isn’t going to happen. Besides, do you really think I’m the type of person who’s going to quietly kick the bucket in the middle of the night?”

Eddie crossed his arms over his chest, his expression was unamused. “That isn’t helping, Richie!”

Richie pulled Eddie into a tight hug, and rubbed his back soothingly. Seriousness had taken over when he realized how truly upset Eddie was, and that his jokes weren’t doing anything to calm him down. “Eddie, that isn’t gonna happen,” he murmured into into Eddie’s ear before pressing a kiss to his shoulder. “I’m not going to leave you.”

Eddie sniffled, and looked up at Richie. He wasn’t sure why he’d felt so panicked all of the sudden. Maybe it was seeing their friends, and realizing that they all seemed to have a plan for what happened next. He and Richie didn’t have that. They hadn’t lived their lives together, they were only just getting to see what they could’ve had together. He was happy for the time they were getting, but it wasn’t nearly _long enough_. “This isn’t fair.”

Richie responded by kissing Eddie’s forehead. They hadn’t explicitly talked about it, but he could tell that Eddie wasn’t planning on staying in San Junipero. He wanted more time while he was alive. Richie couldn’t blame him for that. “We’re both here right now. It’s okay.” He gently tilted Eddie’s chin up toward him, and kissed him. “Everything’s okay now,” he assured him as the kiss broke off.

*******

The next thing Eddie knew, they were running up the stairs, hand in hand. Richie pushed open the door to the master bedroom, and ushered Eddie in. 

“Is this too weird?” Richie asked, looking around what had always been his parents’ room. Though it technically wasn’t theirs. Just like it wasn’t their house. It only existed that way in Richie and Eddie’s memory. 

“What? That your brought me up to your parents’ old room so we can fuck?” Eddie asked, but his gentle smile as he closed the door behind them made it clear that he was joking. “Not weird at all.” He moved closer to Richie as he spoke, and placed his hands on his shoulders. “Let’s make it ours.” Eddie nuzzled Richie’s neck, and couldn’t suppress his smirk when he felt Richie shudder. Whether it was from Eddie’s words or the feeling of his breath against Richie’s skin, neither of them were completely sure, but it was exactly what Eddie wanted.

Eddie didn’t have to tell Richie twice. He wrapped his arms around Eddie’s waist, and slowly walked backwards towards the bed. Richie fell back, bringing Eddie down with him.

“You dork,” Eddie chuckled, as Richie scooted back on the bed so Eddie could straddle him more comfortably. He grabbed Richie’s face, and kissed him. The muffled sound of surprise Richie made barely registered in Eddie’s ears. He was too focused on the feeling of Richie’s hands sliding down his back, and tugging at his shirt almost impatiently. The kiss broke only so Eddie could shift his attention to Richie’s neck. 

Richie’s eyes fluttered closed, and his breath caught in his throat as Eddie nipped at the sensitive skin of his neck. Richie’s hands slipped under Eddie’s shirt, his fingernails pressing into the small of his back. “I love you,” he breathed in Richie’s ear. “I love you so fucking much.” Before Richie could answer, Eddie’s lips were at his throat. A low moan escaped Richie as he tilted his head to the side, giving Eddie better access to his neck. “Let me take care of you.”

*******

Eddie laid back in the bed, red in the face and panting. He cuddled up against Richie, as Richie gently rubbed his back. “Where are you right now? Really?” The feeling of Richie’s hand on his back was calming, and Eddie realized how much he had been craving his touch.

“I’ve been in Chicago for a long time,” Richie answered, his face just as flushed as Eddie’s. “I traveled a lot, but I’ve lived there for the last 20 years or so.”

“I wish I could’ve seen one of your shows live.” Eddie curled up against Richie, softly trailing his fingers down his bare chest. “April and I used to watch your specials when they came out. Even the shitty ones.”

“I’ll give you a pass for that one. Did she think I’m funny?” 

“You were her favorite. We had to watch them the day they aired. She laughed even when you weren’t funny,” Eddie answered, thinking about the nights he’d spent up with April, watching Richie’s shows. They’d bonded over Richie’s jokes. The sound of Richie sniffling interrupted Eddie’s thoughts. “Rich? Why are you upset?”

Richie wiped his eyes quickly. “Nothing. I’m just thinking about you watching me with your daughter,” Richie answered, giving Eddie a small smile. “It’s a nice image. She knew that we were friends?”

Eddie nodded. “I told her that we were close when we were kids, and that I regretted not keeping in contact with you.” He laughed slightly as he said it. It was such an intimate thing to be confessing. “Once she asked me if you would give us free tickets to a show.”

“I would’ve given you tickets!” Richie said. “I was in New York a lot. We could’ve caught up… maybe gone on a few dates.”

“I would’ve taken you to get a slice of pizza from one of the hundreds of places that claims to have the best pizza in the city.”

“So, we would’ve gone out for a slice of generic pizza?” Richie teased, nudging Eddie in the side.

The feeling of Richie’s fingers brushing his side made Eddie tense up slightly. “Tickle me again, Tozier, and I won’t have any mercy when I get my revenge.”

“I’m taking that as a threat.”

“Good! I’m making a threat,” Eddie asserted as he settled back down, smirking. 

“That’s not what I was going for anyway,” Richie stated, and kissed the top of Eddie’s head. “Shouldn’t you have already tried to get your ‘revenge?’”

“Probably, but I gave you a pass.” Eddie smiled, and closed his eyes. For a second, he let himself believe that he’d still be lying next to Richie when he opened them again.


	4. Chapter 4

“So, are you ever gonna tell me who this friend is you meet up with all the time now?” April questioned the next day, as she helped Eddie back to his room after breakfast. Though she couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was, there had been some kind of positive change in her dad. He seemed… happier? Maybe _happier_ wasn’t the right word, but he seemed like he was coming to terms with what was happening. Whatever it was had been a gradual change since he first went into San Junipero, and she could only assume at least part of it had to do with the friend he’d met there. She was glad that he’d put aside his initial reservations, and entered the trial. Clearly, it was doing some good. Maybe it was even making whatever time he had left a little less scary.

Eddie smiled slightly. It was the type of smile meant more for himself than for her. “I found Richie Tozier in there. I’ve been meeting with him since my first time in,” he answered, his smile widening. He looked happier than April had seen him in a long time. “I told him that you’re a fan of his.”

“Richie Tozier… he’s the comedian we used to watch together,” April stated, after pausing to think over the name for a moment. “I remember watching his specials with you. He’s very funny, but sometimes you seemed a little sad when we watched him.” Eddie held onto April’s shoulder as she helped him back into his bed. 

“Hmm… did I?” Eddie asked as he settled down. “I don’t remember being sad.”

“Maybe not exactly sad,” April admitted. “You just always seemed like you were thinking about something else, I guess.”

“I don’t remember,” Eddie lied, with a polite smile. He didn’t particularly want to talk about the guilt he’d always felt seeing Richie’s performances. “It was a long time ago.”

April leaned over to kiss Eddie’s forehead. “I’ll see you later today. After work.” Eddie watched as she got up, and left his room.

*******

Eddie managed to talk his nurse into bringing him a computer later that day. He’d told her that he wanted to look up a friend, and she was happy to bring him a computer the next time she checked on him. Something about Richie wasn’t adding up, and he needed to find out if his suspicion was right. He wasn’t even sure exactly what seemed off, but he knew Richie well enough to know that something about what he’d told him wasn’t the truth.

Tentatively, Eddie typed Richie’s name. He felt like he was prying, but he wanted to know more about his life. He’d told Richie so much, but he always felt like Richie was cutting something out when they talked. He didn’t know if he truly had the right to try to figure out whatever Richie was hiding from him, but he couldn’t help it. The desire to know was too strong to ignore.

Hundreds of pages of results came up for a simple search of “Richie Tozier”. Old articles, Richie’s social media accounts, fan pages and forums that for the most part seemed long abandoned. He clicked on the first article, and was greeted by a picture of Richie and Beverly from what he assumed was at least 10 years earlier. Even though he was older than how he appeared in San Junipero, the man in the picture was unmistakably Richie. He never lost his giant, goofy grin. Still had that same wild spark in his bright, blue eyes. He was crouched down slightly, so his cheek could touch Bev’s. They both looked so happy, and Eddie couldn’t stop himself from smiling at the picture. He traced his finger gently over Richie’s face before scrolling down to read the article. It was about a charity event that Richie had attended. While it was a nice read, it didn’t give Eddie any of the answers he was looking for.

Eddie looked through at least a dozen articles, before letting out an agitated sigh. None of the articles were particularly helpful. Most were Richie’s career highlights, and events. A few were from somewhat questionable sources that talked about Richie being in and out of rehab in the early 2020s. More than a couple of them were blatantly homophobic bullshit, and were obviously written by people who had no other reason for writing them other than trying to hurt Richie. Those ones infuriated Eddie, and he hoped that Richie never saw them. Or if he did, he didn’t let them hurt him. The anonymous fucks who wrote those kinds of articles didn’t deserve even a second of Richie’s attention. He remembered hearing about Richie coming out. He was all over the tabloids for weeks. That must’ve been so exhausting for him. He’d spent so much time in the spotlight, but that was his personal life being exposed to millions of strangers.

After sifting through article after article, Eddie decided to try to narrow his search down. He started to type Richie’s name again, but the search that popped up made him freeze. _Richie Tozier death?_ Eddie narrowed his eyes, as his finger hovered just above the screen to click on it. _People falsely claim celebrities have died sometimes, right? It’s probably just an awful rumor, and he made some sort of smartass reply to it. Like he always does._ He tried to convince himself that was the truth. He still had time to turn off the computer and pretend that he hadn’t seen those three words together. Ignorance truly is bliss. Still, he swallowed hard, and let himself tap on the search.

The faint shred of optimism Eddie was still holding onto quickly faded away as he stared at a link that read “Richie Tozier Obituary”. He felt his chest tighten as he clicked the link. “Please don’t be my Richie,” he whispered as the site loaded, but he already knew who’s face he was going to see. That didn’t make seeing Richie’s face pop up any easier, though. Eddie stared numbly into Richie’s unblinking eyes, unable to make himself read the obituary. All he could see underneath the picture was:

_Richard Tozier  
March 7, 1976 - July 23, 2053_

Eddie’s mind was racing, and his mouth felt horribly dry as the realization truly hit him. Richie had been there for nearly two years. _How did I not know?_ He thought back to every interaction with Richie. Richie had been so quiet about what was happening in his life. Other than where he lived, Eddie really didn’t know anything. He’d been so worried about what Richie _could_ be going through, that he hadn’t stopped to even think about the possibility that the worst had already happened. He didn’t think that Richie would’ve kept that from him, but he realized that he didn’t know Richie as well as he thought he had. Who was he to assume to know what Richie would and wouldn’t tell him. He didn’t exist anymore. Not really. Not in the physical sense, at least.

Eddie’s breath hitched, and before he knew it, he was sobbing. He couldn’t stop it if he tried. Without thinking, or caring, he shoved the computer off his bed. The sound of it crashing to the floor did nothing to ease his pain.

*******

April stood in the doorway of Eddie’s room later that day, a gentle smile on her face. “I know I’m a little early, but I heard you had a bad day,” she stated, holding a doggy bag out in his direction. “Wanna talk? I snuck you a piece of cherry pie.”

Eddie nodded, and propped himself up. Though he didn’t really feel like talking about what he’d found out about Richie. “I found out something I didn’t want to know… and I broke a computer,” he said, voice breaking slightly as April made her way into the room.

“Well, I heard about the computer.” April set the bag down on Eddie’s nightstand. “Let’s go for a walk first,” she suggested. “It’s still beautiful out, and you look like you could use some fresh air. It might help you feel a little better. The pie will be here when we get back.” 

At first, Eddie was going to argue or make up a reason not to get up., but He didn’t want to spoil the time he still had with her. She was right, lying in bed alone wasn’t going to do anything to improve how he was feeling. Eddie knew that. So he let her help him up, and left the room with her without a fuss.

They walked silently for a while, Eddie’s arm laced through April’s. “Richie passed over almost two years ago. He’s in San Junipero full time, and didn’t tell me,” Eddie stated once the silence became too much. He tried, and failed to keep his heartbreak and confusion out of his voice. He didn’t want to say it out loud, but he couldn’t stop himself from blurting it out. It didn’t make him feel any better, though. Didn’t make it make any more sense.

“He passed over when you were starting to get sick,” April stated, her voice soft. “I wasn’t trying to keep it from you. I just didn’t know how to tell you. Then you met him again, and I saw how much you changed. I’m sorry, Dad.” She wiped at her eyes. “There has to be a reason he hasn’t told you.”

Eddie looked down at his feet, blinking rapidly. “I want to go back now. I don’t feel well.” 

“Daddy…”

“I don’t feel well!” Eddie snapped, still not looking at April. He hadn’t intended to be so sharp with April. His hurt and anger had nothing to do with her, but his emotions were in turmoil. April’s expression, as though she’d just been slapped in the face, immediately brought Eddie out of his own thoughts. “I’m sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong, I’m just…” Eddie trailed off, not even sure what he was truly feeling. Anger? Betrayal? Was it just pure sadness? Sighing, he closed his eyes. “I just want to go back.”

*******

“What do you think you’re going to do? Are you going back in tomorrow?” April asked once they were settled back in Eddie’s room. She squeezed his hand gently. “Maybe it would be good to wait a while. Get your thoughts together.”

“I don’t know,” Eddie admitted. He knew what he wanted. He wanted to see Richie sooner rather than later. He wanted to get answers from him. He understood what April meant. Knowing what he knew, it would be easy to storm in, and not let Richie get a word in edgewise. He wanted to hear what Richie had to say. Give him the benefit of the doubt. “I’ll go in tomorrow,” he answered. His need to know wasn’t going to let him wait any longer than he needed to to speak with Richie. “I’ll decide what I need to do after I talk to him.” When Eddie was desperate for something, he wouldn’t give up. He’d never lost that fight.


	5. Chapter 5

Going back didn’t make Eddie feel any better. It didn’t necessarily make him feel worse, but his emotions were still all over the place. It was still difficult for him to pinpoint exactly what he was feeling. He wasn’t looking forward to telling Richie what he’d found out. Not at all. He couldn’t keep it to himself, though. He deserved an explanation, at the very least. So he stood frozen in front of Richie’s house for longer than he would have otherwise, his hand grasping the doorknob. _What am I doing here?_ Eventually, he talked himself into going inside. Richie was waiting for him.

He’d found Richie in his room, listening to an old-fashioned Walkman. He was young again, and looked so content with his eyes closed, and a small smile on his lips as he let himself get lost in the music. Richie’s smile faded almost immediately when he saw Eddie standing in his doorway, and noticed the look on his face. Eddie could feel his heart breaking even more. He had wanted to ease into the conversation. It didn’t seem like something he should just spring on Richie, but he couldn’t make his mind quiet down enough to think of anything but the picture in Richie’s obituary.

Richie ripped his headphones off, and rushed to Eddie’s side. “Eds? Eddie, what’s wrong? What happened?” He asked, putting his hand between Eddie’s shoulder blades. Eddie flinched at the touch, making Richie quickly draw his hand back. “Eddie, please talk to me.”

“Not when you look like a fucking teenager,” Eddie answered, more aggressively than he’d wanted to. His words obviously stung Richie, because he turned back without any kind of comment or complaint.

“Eddie, I can tell that something’s wrong. What is it?” Richie asked, looking genuinely concerned. He reached out again to touch Eddie’s shoulder. Again, Eddie rejected his touch. “Please just tell me. I promise we can figure out whatever it is together.” Richie’s voice was shaky, as though he was on the verge of tears.

Eddie wished that Richie didn’t look so worried about him. It made him feel guilty. _For what?_ He had a right to be upset about being left in the dark about something so major. “I’ve talked about myself a lot since I first came here. I haven’t kept anything important from you, but you’ve been so quiet about anything that’s happening outside,” Eddie started, biting his lip, and glancing up at the ceiling. He didn’t know how he wanted to continue. Maybe going back so soon _was_ a mistake. “I looked you up online. I… I just wanted to know what’s going on with you.” Eddie stopped to take a shaky breath, and slid his hand down his face. “You’re here full time, and you didn’t tell me! Why?”

Richie froze, unsure of what he could do or say to clear anything up for Eddie. He hadn’t been expecting Eddie to look him up, it hadn’t even crossed his mind. He looked down at his feet nervously, and swallowed hard. “You come here to have a good time, Eds. I didn’t want to put a damper on that,” Richie answered, his voice still extremely soft as he locked eyes with Eddie. “It just hasn’t been a huge deal for me.”

“Not a huge deal?!” Eddie repeated, unable to keep his voice from betraying his hurt. His voice had come out nearly as a scream. Though Richie could tell that it was a scream of agony, not anger. That was the worst thing about it for Richie. He could deal with anger, but the devastated look in Eddie’s eyes was too much for him. “How is it _not_ a huge fucking deal, Richie?”

Richie couldn’t bring himself to look Eddie in the eyes any longer. He wasn’t prepared for Eddie to confront him, and he couldn’t think of anything to explain his decision to Eddie. Not in a way that would make him feel any better, anyway. Anybody who would miss him would either be full time in San Junipero themselves or gone sooner rather than later.

“Fuckin’ say _something_!” Eddie demanded, pushing himself into Richie’s space, and forcing him to take a step back and instinctively cross his arms over his chest. Eddie shook his head, furiously. “This changes everything! How do you not see that?” Any plan he’d had to hear Richie out had been forgotten as soon as he said that. He shoved Richie’s shoulders. “I’m still waiting for an answer.”

The ridiculous thought that in the moment, Eddie was reminiscent of his father anytime he got marked for bad behavior in school briefly flashed through Richie’s mind. Same body language. Same disappointed look. Maybe it was a dad thing. “I don’t know what you want me to say. I wasn’t trying to hurt you,” Richie stated, dropping his arms down to his sides. “I just wanted you to enjoy your time here. I wanted to be able to be with you without it hanging over us.” Richie mentally cursed himself as he spoke. His answer didn’t sound good, and he knew it.

Eddie narrowed his eyes. “You should’ve let me know! Especially now that we’re together!” Eddie felt his eyes stinging, but he refused to let himself cry in front of Richie. “You realize how fucked up it is that you didn’t tell me, right?” Even though Eddie was trying not to cry, his voice was still choked. 

For a moment, Richie couldn’t think to do anything except nod his head. He couldn’t blame Eddie for being so upset. If their situations had been switched, he would’ve felt the same way. “I understand, and you’re right to be mad at me. Fuck, _I’d_ be mad at me if I were you,” he finally answered. “Not telling you was a shitty thing for me to do. I wasn’t thinking about how you’d feel if you found out. I know that you don’t want to stay here full time. I didn’t want you to feel like you need to change your plans because of me.”

Eddie glared at Richie, and for the first time Richie saw an actual spark of anger. “And that’s my decision to make! Just like it was your decision to stay here in the first place!” He took a deep breath. “Why’d you choose _this_?”

“Why _wouldn’t_ I choose to stay here, Eds?” He asked, a sad smile pulling at his lips. “This is like a giant video game. I can have whatever life I want, so of course I chose this. Though, I don’t understand why it feels like you’re mad at me for that.” Richie shrugged. “It’s still just me. Everything I’ve told you has been true.”

Eddie rolled his eyes and scoffed. He tried to bite back an annoyed comment, but it slipped out. “Yeah? Was your life so fucking disappointing that you really need to do whatever the hell it is you’ve been doing here, forever?” The words rushed out of him before he could stop himself. “Are you really so desperate that you trust this program without question? What if the entire thing just crashes one day? You’ll be _gone_ just like that!”

“You can be pissed at me all you want, but you don’t have any right to talk to me like that.” Richie’s voice was dangerously soft as he jabbed Eddie in the chest with his index and middle fingers, and Eddie found himself wishing that he would just yell at him in return. “Tell me, what do you think you know about my life? You haven’t been in it for years!” He almost said that he hadn’t even thought about Eddie in that time, had nearly forgotten who he was until he showed up in the café, but that would’ve been a complete lie. Richie had never forgotten about Eddie, not even for a second. If he’d said that, Eddie would’ve called his bluff immediately.

Richie’s words cut deep, and Eddie was taken aback, but he couldn’t show that he was fazed by them. “You’re right, I wasn’t there. I read enough articles to know that you never fucking grew up, though,” Eddie’s face contorted into a sneer. “You took all of your issues to the fucking grave with you, and I don’t believe that you’re going to change here. You can do whatever, and not face any consequences. You’ll truly be livin’ the dream.”

Richie blanched at that, and Eddie knew that he’d hit a weak spot. “Good for you, Eddie. You read some tabloid articles,” Richie said, sarcastically clapping his hands. “You still don’t know _shit_ about me.”

“That’s because you haven’t told me anything important since I’ve been here, Rich! You still haven’t said anything!” The desperation Eddie was feeling crept into his voice as he argued his point. It felt like he was losing whatever ground he’d had. He knew that he’d just hurt Richie. He’d let things get way too personal, but he couldn’t take his words back no matter how badly he wanted to.

“Why don’t you just run away again?” Richie asked, his voice flat. It sent a shiver throughout Eddie’s body. “That’s what you do whenever you have a problem, right? You run away, and start a whole new life.”

“Go fuck yourself, Rich.” Eddie took a deep breath, trying to ground himself. Richie had reached the heart of it. “You know, I didn’t want to leave you alone like that again. I wanted to at least be able to give you a proper goodbye.”

“You should go. Spend whatever time you have with your daughter,” Richie said, fighting to keep his expression stoic. “I don’t think there’s anything else for either of us to say. I’m over all of this.”

“That’s it, then?” Eddie asked, as whatever anger he still had gave way to the pain. “This is how we’re leaving it?” 

“I was doing fine before you came here, and I’ll be fine on my own again. You don’t have to worry about anything.”

Eddie stared at Richie, incredulous. He was finally at a loss for words. Eventually, he held his hands out in surrender. “Fine… you win. Sorry for intruding on your _perfect_ life.” Defeated, he turned to leave. In the back of his mind, he believed that Richie would stop him, but Richie didn’t say a word. Not even as he left the bedroom.

Richie closed his eyes when he heard the front door slam shut. Eddie was gone. He tried to convince himself that he’d done the right thing in letting Eddie leave. Told himself it wasn’t good for Eddie to be spending so much time in San Junipero. He had a daughter, and he was losing precious moments that could be spent with her. It wasn’t good for Richie, either. He had to let Eddie go. 

Unable to do anything else, Richie doubled over and screamed.


	6. Chapter 6

Eddie hadn’t talked to anybody about what had happened with Richie. Not even April. Though she realized something bad must’ve happened between them. He hadn’t talked about Richie at all since leaving, and vehemently refused when April asked if he wanted to watch one of Richie’s shows for old time’s sake. She didn’t push him for an explanation. One of his nurses had told her that he’d stopped going in altogether. The nurse suggested that he may have finished whatever business he needed to in San Junipero, and was just detaching from it. If he wasn’t going back, it would make sense that he distanced himself. It was just normal end of life behavior.

April made it a point to prolong her visits after that. Eddie’s health was quickly deteriorating, and it had become obvious that he wasn’t going to bounce back. Though he always tried to keep himself together for her, she could see how even things that had been fairly easy for him were beginning to take more effort. She tried hard not to let her emotions get the best of her while she was with him. She could still see the sparks of his old self through his declining health. Even though those sparks were shining through more and more briefly. 

“What are you feeling right now, Dad?” April asked one night, as they sat together outside. There was a warm breeze, and Eddie seemed to be dozing off.

“Scared shitless,” Eddie’s demeanor was such a stark contradiction to his words that April wasn’t sure if he was attempting to make a joke or not. He hadn’t even opened his eyes as he spoke. “I just… I don’t know what’s the right thing to do,” he confessed. It was the first time he’d questioned what he thought he wanted. Not choosing San Junipero had never felt wrong to him before. “If I go back in, I’m not leaving again. I don’t know if Richie wants to see me again.” Eddie sniffed, and wiped at his eyes.

April gently took one of Eddie’s hands in hers. It was the first time he talked about how he was feeling about the choice he’d have to make sooner rather than later. They’d been tiptoeing around it, but she was relieved that he seemed ready to open up about what was going on inside his head. 

“Everything went to shit with Richie. I just want a chance to make things right with him. But I don’t know what I’ll do if he won’t even talk me.” Eddie explained, his voice still shaking. “I’m so tired, and I’m ready for whatever the next step is.” He’d been ready for a long time, but he’d been holding off. It was clear that he couldn’t ignore it for much longer, though. His time was nearly up.

April squeezed Eddie’s hand comfortingly. “You know exactly what you’re going into if you choose San Junipero, but this is a decision you need to make for yourself. Not for Richie Tozier” she said. “If you go back, and Richie doesn’t want to talk to you, would you feel like you’ve made the wrong decision?”

Eddie bit the inside of his cheek, thinking over April’s question. Would he regret it if Richie rejected him? He was sure that he’d meet other people. It was impossible not to. He could be whoever he wanted there. Still, living was exhausting. Wouldn’t choosing to stay essentially be choosing to live forever? He shook his head. “I don’t think so.”

“Why were you so sure you didn’t want to stay?”

Again, Eddie had to think hard about her question before answering. “I didn’t trust it. It seemed too good to be true,” Eddie answered. “I didn’t know anything about it, and it scared me.”

“I can understand all of that.” Eddie had never been one to blindly trust something. “Your other option has even less answers.”

Eddie sighed, and nodded. “I think I was more scared that something could go wrong once I’m in there. Nothing like that could happen with the other choice,” he stated. “I’m ready to go now.”

*******

Eddie passed over two days later. It felt much quicker than he’d expected. He held April’s hand tightly as the nurse finished connecting him to San Junipero, and inserted the IV into his arm. “I love you so much,” he whispered as April leaned down to kiss his forehead.

That was the last thing Eddie remembered before waking up in his childhood bedroom. It was the best final memory he could’ve asked for. He felt slightly disoriented, similar to the first time he went into San Junipero, but other than that nothing felt different. He sat up, and looked around his old room. Like Richie’s room, it felt as familiar as if he’d been there the day before. His old superhero posters looked down at him from the walls as he got out of bed. _What a wake up._

Eddie didn’t want to stay there for long. Other than his room, the house was filled with his mother’s decor. Though he knew that he could change it to whatever he wanted, it was still discomforting. Very few of his memories in that house were fond.

He couldn’t allow himself to get stuck on those thoughts for too long, though. Finding Richie was his first priority. If Richie decided that he wanted to move into Eddie’s childhood house, and redecorate the entire place, Eddie would have no problem with it. Until then, he wanted nothing to do with it.

*******

Richie wasn’t at his house, or the café. Eddie wasn’t particularly worried yet. San Junipero wasn’t small. Richie could’ve been anywhere. Just because he wasn’t in his usual haunts didn’t mean anything. It wasn’t until Eddie got to the Capitol Theater that he started feeling nervous. Richie had always loved the arcade. When he was a kid, that was where he went when he was upset about something. Which was why Eddie was so troubled by his absence.

Eddie walked up to a boy playing Street Fighter, and tapped his shoulder. In his moment of desperation, Eddie almost let himself believe that he could’ve been Richie.

He turned to Eddie, clearly annoyed by the distraction. “ _What?_ ”

_Nope, not Richie._

“Do you know Richie Tozier?” Eddie asked him, trying to keep the hysteria out of his voice, but he was talking a mile a minute. “I thought he might be here. He loves Street Fighter.”

The boy shrugged, and went back to his game. “I don’t know your friend, dude.”

“Thanks. Really fucking helpful,” Eddie said sarcastically.

The boy flipped Eddie off without even bothering to look back at him, unquestionably ending the conversation.

Eddie slammed his hand on the side of the game angrily before walking away. “Fucking waste of my time.”

*******

The last place Eddie checked before going back to the café was the Kissing Bridge. He didn’t expect Richie to be there staring at their initials, but he wanted the assurance that they were still there.

Eddie let out a sigh of relief when he saw that Richie hadn’t scratched them out or deleted them altogether. He knelt down, and traced over the letters with his thumb. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, wiping a tear away. He wasn’t completely sure why he was so panicked, something just felt _wrong_.

*******

Richie still wasn’t at the café when Eddie got back, but he saw somebody who he recognized. “Bev?” He asked, tapping her on the shoulder. 

Beverly turned towards him. Her look of confusion was quickly replaced with one of recognition, and then joy as she threw her arms around him. “It’s been a long time.”

Eddie laughed, and hugged her back. “It has been. I’ve missed you!” He ran his hand through Bev’s hair, happy to be thinking of something other than Richie’s possible whereabouts for a moment. “I haven’t seen you here. Have we just been missing each other?”

“Missed you too, Eds,” she said, looking him over. “I’ve been around, but I’m not here very often,” she answered. 

“Well, maybe we can see each other more often. As of today, I’m here full time.” It felt weird saying he was full time. The reality of it hadn’t truly hit him yet. 

“How are you feeling about that?” Bev asked, patting Eddie’s shoulder. The look on her face was soft, the same look she’d given him so many times when they were kids. 

“I’m getting used to it. I wasn’t originally expecting to stay here,” he answered with a shrug. “I’m glad I decided to stay, though.”

“Wanna get a drink? Talk it over?” Bev asked. “Even if you’re happy, passing over was probably scary.”

Eddie grinned, and nodded. “I’d love that, Bev.”

*******

Eddie and Bev spent the next hour getting reacquainted. It was just as easy to fall back into their old patterns as it had been with everybody else. They could still make each other laugh just as hard as they could when they were young.

_Yeah. This was the right choice._

Bev moved to the chair next to Eddie, and affectionately ruffled his hair. “It’s good to know that we can hang out like we used to,” she laughed.

Eddie laughed, and rolled his eyes. “Never a dull moment hanging out with you,” he agreed, before looking down at his hands. A lull overtook their conversation, and Eddie suddenly found himself feeling awkward and self conscious. “Hey, Bev?”

“Hmm?”

“Do you know anything about Richie? Things didn’t go well last time I saw him, and I want to apologize for being a dick,” Eddie felt embarrassed explaining what had happened between them, but he was holding onto some hope that she’d know something.

Bev furrowed her brow, as though she was debating telling him something. “I know where he is,” she said quietly, all playfulness gone. “He’s at the Quagmire.”

“The Quagmire?” Eddie asked. “I don’t know where that is. He’s never talked to me about it.”

“It’s not a good place, Eddie. I’ve never been there, but I’ve heard enough stories about it.” Bev wrapped her arms around herself. “It’s probably tucked away somewhere in the Barrens, since San Junipero is Derry for you.” She sighed as she looked Eddie over. “I don’t know how much time I have left in here, but I can meet you there. 

*******

The Quagmire was deeper in the Barrens than Eddie was expecting. It was though the idea for the place had been abandoned, but nobody ever deleted it from the program. It wasn’t meant to be found. 

“What the fuck is this place?” Eddie asked over the blaring music, once he met up with Bev at the front door. “This doesn’t really seem like Richie’s scene!” He closed his eyes against the harsh strobe lights.

“Let’s just find Richie, Eds,” Bev answered. “I don’t like this place any more than you do.”

“Yeah. He doesn’t belong in this place,” Eddie agreed, looking around. Eddie didn’t like anything about the Quagmire. Everything about it made him uncomfortable. Nothing else in San Junipero had made him feel like that. They were barely inside the building, but Eddie could see how crammed everybody was. “How the fuck are we even supposed to walk through this shit hole?”

*******

Eddie and Bev found Richie deep within the sea of dancing bodies on the dance floor, which wasn’t an easy feat. The entire building was full of people dancing to the rhythmless music that was playing throughout the building so loudly that Eddie could feel it reverberating through his entire body. 

“Richie!” Eddie exclaimed, as he grabbed Richie’s shoulder from behind. 

Startled, Richie spun around to face Eddie, nearly spilling the drink in his hand. Even with the intense flashing of the strobe lights, Eddie could make out that Richie’s cheeks and the bridge of his nose that must’ve come from heavy drinking.

“E-Eddie? What’re you doing here?” Richie slurred. “Thought you don’t want to see me anymore.”

Eddie exchanged glances with Bev before she spoke up. “C’mon, honey. Let’s get you out of here.” She reached for his arm, but Richie took a step back, shaking his head. 

“Why should I?” He asked. “Eddie made how he feels pretty fucking clear. Why would I want to go anywhere with him?”

“Please, Rich. Just hear me out.” Eddie gave Richie a pleading look. “If you don’t like what I have to say, then I promise I won’t bother you again.”

Richie locked eyes with Eddie, and nodded before wrapping an arm around Eddie’s shoulders. Eddie was relieved, and just wanted to get out of there. Bev hadn’t been lying about the Quagmire not being a good place. Even though he’d only been there a short time, Eddie could almost feel the place eating at him.

*******

It wasn’t until Bev disappeared that Eddie realized just how drunk Richie truly was. “Oh fuck,” he groaned, as Richie leaned heavily on him. “You’ve gotta help me here, dude. It’s just us now.”

The trek through the Barrens was no small task with Richie in the state he was in, but eventually the two of them made it back to Richie’s house. Richie had mumbled incoherently most of the way back, and hadn’t been of much help. Eddie had to practically drag him at times, but they eventually made it back to Richie’s house. Though it was obvious that they weren’t going to be having any kind of conversation. 

Eddie didn’t know which room Richie normally slept in, but he took him to the master bedroom. He helped Richie get into bed, and gently brushed a strand of hair from his face. _God… how long had he been there?_

“Sorry…” Richie murmured as Eddie continued to stroke his hair, and pulled his blanket over himself.

“Shh. It’s okay, Richie,” Eddie assured him, and leaned over to kiss his cheek. “We’ll talk tomorrow.”

“You’ll be able to visit tomorrow?” Richie asked drowsily. Though he sounded like he was trying, and failing, to wake up a little bit.

Eddie put his lips to Richie’s ear. “Even better, Rich. I’m here for good.”


	7. Chapter 7

Eddie was woken up the next morning by Richie’s surprised exclamation. He’d spent the night in Richie’s old room, not wanting to make Richie uncomfortable by sleeping in the same room as him. In case things weren’t going to be okay between them. “Good morning to you, too.” Eddie rubbed his eyes, sleepily. 

Richie stood in the bedroom doorway, a dumbfounded expression on his face. “I thought most of last night was a dream,” he stated, taking a tentative step into the room. “How are you still here?”

Eddie sighed, and propped himself up on his elbow. Apparently Richie didn’t remember what he’d told him the night before. Or if he did remember, he hadn’t believed it was real. “I’m here now. I’m not leaving again,” he answered. “I passed over yesterday.” Eddie averted his eyes, feeling self conscious. After how he’d acted towards Richie when he found out he chose to stay, he wouldn’t have been mad if Richie replied smugly or didn’t forgive him. He wasn’t even sure that he deserved Richie’s forgiveness. “I wanted you to know that I’m here… in case I didn’t completely destroy everything that we have.”

Richie looked Eddie over, as though he was debating over whether he believed Eddie was telling the truth or not. Eventually, he seemed to relax a bit. “What made you decide to stay here after all? I really didn’t think I was gonna see you again…”

“I guess I liked it better than I was expecting,” Eddie admitted, finally daring to look up at Richie with a slight smile. He still felt extremely guilty about everything he’d said, but he needed to make it up to Richie. “I got too upset last time I was here. I shouldn’t have blown up the way I did. I’m sorry.”

With a sigh, Richie moved from his spot near the door, and sat down on the edge of the bed. “I’m sorry, too.” He took Eddie’s face in his hands. “Neither of us were hearing each other out, and we both said some shit that got out of hand,” Richie admitted, moving his hands down to hold onto both of Eddie’s.

Eddie’s eyes met Richie’s, and held his gaze. He could only imagine how flushed his cheeks must’ve been, which made him look away in embarrassment. “I was overwhelmed with… _everything_. Finding out about you, the fact that I was dying. I took it out on you on you, man. You didn’t deserve that.” 

Richie placed his hand underneath Eddie’s chin, and gently turned his face towards him. “Hey, it’s over. You came back, and you cared enough to find me again.” He patted Eddie’s cheek playfully. “That’s all that matters now.”

Eddie leaned in, and nuzzled Richie’s neck. “I’ve missed you so much,” he whispered. “I really thought I fucked it all up.” He looked up at Richie, unable to keep the concern out of his expression. “We’re okay now, really? Because you ran off to some weird sex club in the middle of the Barrens. That doesn’t seem like the best way to cope.” That was met with a sour look from Richie, instead of a joke like Eddie had been expecting. Eddie put his hands up in a placating gesture. “I’m just saying… it’s okay if you’re still feeling hurt. We can talk it out, like adults this time.”

“I’m not mad at you, if you’re still worried about that,” Richie assured Eddie, his voice calm and gentle. It put Eddie at ease. “You’re right, though. I think we should talk. We need to figure out where we’re going from here.” He looked away, sheepishly. “I know what I _want_. I want to be with you, but we need to be on the same page.”

Eddie looked Richie over. How many times had he watched one of Richie’s shows over the years, only to be completely overwhelmed by the childhood memories they shared? Memories he had always hoped Richie had never completely forgotten. “I want… I want to be with you too, Rich.” Eddie’s voice was soft as he reached out to touch Richie’s hand, and squeezed it tightly. He didn’t want to break that contact. Didn’t want to ever let him go again. Without thinking, Eddie fling his arms around Richie, holding him close. Tears were falling freely from Eddie’s eyes, but they weren’t due to sadness. None of the emotions that were coursing through him were negative. Though Eddie couldn’t see Richie’s face, the feeling of his hands grasping at his back told him that Richie was feeling the same way. There was nothing standing between them anymore. Everything was going to be alright.

********

“Will you marry me?”

The question caught Eddie off guard, and at first he thought Richie was joking. Their relationship had progressed without a hitch over the months. It was exactly what he’d wanted for so long. That still didn’t prepare him for Richie’s proposal.

Dumbstruck, Eddie’s eyes met Richie’s. He was half expecting Richie to break out laughing, or make some some dumb comment about the look on his face. Richie did neither of those, though. He just stayed on one knee, keeping his eyes trained on Eddie. Was this really happening in the middle of their kitchen? Eddie felt like he was going to melt into those bright blue eyes. “Yes!” Eddie broke free of the trance-like state Richie’s gaze seemed to hold him in, and threw his arms around Richie’s neck. “Yes!”

Richie laughed, and picked Eddie up, and spun him around a few times. As soon as their lips met, Richie was sure that he could feel a jolt of electricity go through him. _What a fucking cliché._ Richie couldn’t linger on that thought, though. Not when Eddie was leading him to the bedroom. _I can live with being a cliché._

*******

Marriage in San Junipero wasn’t like marriage outside. There was no stress that came with planning a huge ceremony. There didn’t even have to be any kind of ceremony, as Eddie found out. In truth, nobody in San Junipero cared about anybody else’s marriage. Since they were both there full time, there was no legal reason for them to get married.

They just wanted it. They wanted to say that they were each other’s husband. That’s all they needed to do to make it true. So they wasted no time calling themselves each other’s husband.

Eddie and Richie both appreciated the simplicity of it. In retrospect, it was such a small thing, being able to say that they were married. Nothing could diminish the weight of it, though. They both had exactly what they wanted. They had each other. They were home. 

Eddie squeezed Richie’s hand as they laid in bed together that night, a lazy smile spread across his face. Richie pulled Eddie even closer to him, whispering and promising never to let him go.

Life was truly just beginning. For both of them. They were going to do it right this time.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me at trashing-the-trashmouth on Tumblr!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [then and now](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26528104) by [skeilig](https://archiveofourown.org/users/skeilig/pseuds/skeilig)




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